Introduction
Have you ever felt like you’re being pulled in two different directions? On one hand, there’s the desire to be a good person, to do the right thing, and to follow God’s path. On the other hand, there’s the temptation to manipulate situations, to bend the rules, or to put your own needs ahead of others. This is the age-old struggle between manipulation and integrity. As children of God, we are called to live lives of integrity. But what does that really mean? And how can we avoid the pitfalls of manipulation?
In this blog post, we will explore the difference between manipulation and integrity. We will examine the biblical principles that guide us in living a life of honesty, authenticity, and faithfulness. And we will discuss practical strategies for overcoming the temptation to manipulate people and situations.
Understanding Manipulation
Manipulation is the act of controlling or influencing others in a way that is dishonest or unfair. It involves using tactics such as flattery, guilt, or fear to get what you want. People who are kind, empathetic, and caring make easy targets for those types of people. Manipulation can be subtle or overt, but it always involves a lack of respect and lack of care for others. The manipulator always believes that he or she is smarter than those being manipulated. They often identify weaknesses or even strengths in people and use them against them. To be manipulative a person has to be inherently selfish. They put their self-interest above other people’s needs, often ignoring what is right and what is good. They go instead after what is bad and what is wrong… and make no mistake, they know that what they are doing is wrong! They will justify it and even brag about it afterward. Is manipulation ever justifiable for a Christian? Let’s find out what the word of God has to say about it.
Biblical Perspective:
For anyone who is a manipulator, just remember that the devil is a master manipulator. Is that the kind of company you want to be keeping? There is a popular saying, “Show me your company and I will tell you who you are!” The devil was so bold and so sure of himself that he even tried to manipulate Jesus Christ who he knew was God. Read about it in Mark 1:12-15, Luke 4:2-14, and Matthew 4:1-11. No wonder he had to be cast out of heaven. James 2:19 states, “You believe that there is one God; you do well: the demons also believe, and tremble”.
Manipulators in the World
These are just a few Bible verses that tell us of manipulators in the world. There has been an increase in the number of scams globally, facilitated by technological advancements.
Proverbs 12:6: “The righteous speaks out boldly, but the wicked hides in secret.”
James 3:5: “The tongue is a small thing, but it can set a great forest on fire.”
2 Timothy 3:1 – 5: “But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.”
John 8:44, “You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”
Hebrews 5:14, “But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.”
1 John 3:9, “No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God’s seed abides in him; and he cannot keep on sinning, because he has been born of God.”
Manipulators Amongst Your Friends, Relatives, and Family
Some of us have been manipulated over and over again by those closest to us including our husbands, wives, parents, siblings, in-laws, and friends included. The clutches of this category of manipulators are sometimes the most difficult to break away from.
Luke 17:1 – 2, “And he said to his disciples, “Temptations to sin are sure to come, but woe to the one through whom they come! It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were cast into the sea than that he should cause one of these little ones to sin.”
Genesis 2:24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
Mark 10:9,” What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Manipulators Within the Church
Yes, it may seem strange but there are manipulators within the church. It could be your pastor, other church leaders, your favorite prophet or prophetess, or just your friend who sings in the choir. Christians are some of the easiest people to scam because we are taught to trust, to love, to be kind, and to forgive. Narcissistic people often take advantage of that. The devil manipulated Eve in the Garden of Eden. All he did was to add one word (not) to deceive her, but it was enough to bring sin and suffering into the world.
Genesis 3:4, “But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die.”
2 Corinthians 11:14, “And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.”
Matthew 7:15, “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves.”
1 Timothy 4:1, “Now the Spirit expressly says that in later times some will depart from the faith by devoting themselves to deceitful spirits and teachings of demons,”
2 Corinthians 11:13, “For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ.”
A Manipulator Within You?
You can even manipulate yourself! Oh yes! Some of us are so manipulative, so steeped in lying, greed, envy, and always wanting more that we will manipulate ourselves into believing that our manipulative actions towards others are okay. If you are someone who indulges in that type of behavior, stop right now. Your soul is in danger of hellfire. You are hurting people by taking advantage of them and justifying it. Your conscience has probably “been seared by a hot iron”, but the Lord Jesus can deliver you from such sins. Accept the gift of salvation from Him, get baptized in His name, and live according to His teaching.
Galatians 6:7, “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.”
Proverbs 21:6, “The getting of treasures by a lying tongue is a fleeting vapor and a snare of death.”
2 Corinthians 11:3, “But I am afraid that as the serpent deceived Eve by his cunning, your thoughts will be led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ.”
Do Not Allow Others to Manipulate You
As we grow in the Lord, we should allow the Holy Spirit to guide us. We need to learn His voice and listen to it. In John 10:4 – 5, Jesus stated, “My sheep know my voice and another they will not follow”. You need to be discerning and as the Bible says, “try the spirits whether they are of God.” (1 John 4:1 – 5)
Matthew 10:16, “Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.
Matthew 24:4, “And Jesus answered them, “See that no one leads you astray.”
Ephesians 6:10 – 18. “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, …”
The Power of Integrity
Integrity is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles. It means doing what is right, even when it is difficult. Integrity is a cornerstone of the Christian faith. Genesis 43:12 provides a lesson in honesty and integrity. In this verse, Jacob instructs his sons to take double the amount of money they need to purchase grain. This was to cover the cost of the new grain and the money that was mysteriously returned to their sacks after their previous trip. Unknown to them their brother Joseph who was a leader in Egypt after they had sold him into slavery had had the money placed in their sacks of grain. There is an excellent book by Dr. Henry Cloud, “Integrity: the courage to meet the demands of reality” which I recommend that you read. Integrity is very important. You may not have material wealth, however, if you have integrity (before God and your fellowmen) you have a lot. Your integrity will not be compromised by real success (Proverbs 12:3).
Biblical Perspective:
Psalm 25:21, “May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, Lord, is in you”.
Psalm 26:2: “Examine me, O Lord, and put me to the test; refine my kidneys and my heart.”
Proverbs 11:3: “The integrity of the upright guides them, but the crookedness of the treacherous destroys them.”
Proverbs 10:9: ” Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out.”
How to Avoid Engaging in the Manipulation of Others
Do not allow the manipulation of others to develop into a habit. Do not allow it to become something that you love and that causes you to have a sense of pride as if you are smarter than everyone else. It will become a stronghold in your life and before you know it you will be firmly in the grips of the devil.
Be honest with yourself and others: Acknowledge your own weaknesses and limitations. Be truthful in your dealings with others.
Develop empathy: Try to understand the perspectives of others. Put yourself in their shoes.
Practice self-control: Resist the temptation to manipulate. Learn to control your impulses.
Seek guidance from God: Pray for wisdom and strength. Trust in God’s plan for your life.
Conclusion
Manipulation is a destructive force that can harm our relationships and our spiritual well-being. As children of God, we are called to live lives of integrity. As Shakespeare puts it in the play As You Like It,” The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.” By understanding the difference between manipulation and integrity, and by following the biblical principles that guide us, we can overcome the temptation to manipulate others and live a life that is pleasing to God.