The Heartache of Watching a Child Turn Away from the Faith
It’s a Christian parent’s worst nightmare! Watching your child, the one you’ve raised with love, faith, and the teachings of Christ, turn away from Christianity can be one of the most painful experiences for a Christian parent. The overwhelming sense of loss, worry, and even guilt can feel like a storm raging inside your heart. Doubt, fear, and grief may overwhelm you, leaving you questioning your own faith and the path you’ve chosen for your family. You ask yourself repeatedly, “Where did I go wrong in teaching my child about the faith I’ve cherished and shared with him or her?” Please read the story I relate just before the conclusion of this blog post.
In this storm, however, there is a peace that surpasses all understanding – a peace that only God can provide. This blog aims to guide you through these challenging times, helping you find comfort and strength in God’s promises, even when your child seems to have lost their way. We’ll explore strategies for coping with the pain, finding peace in the midst of doubt, and maintaining a strong connection with God. You may not know it, but many parents have walked this path before you, and with God’s guidance, you can find strength and healing.
Understanding the Pain
Acknowledge your feelings. Do not pretend to yourself that you are not deeply affected. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. Allow yourself to grieve about your child’s situation. The loss of shared faith is not just painful, it is frightening when you think about how your child will spend eternity. Remember, you’re not responsible. Your child’s faith is their own choice. As Christians our decision to give our life to God and have a relationship with Him is personal. God gives us free will and does not force us to accept or worship Him. Don’t blame yourself for your child’s decision. Petition the Lord continually using Jeremiah 29:11, “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”
Trusting God When the Path Seems Dark
1. Remember God’s Sovereignty
It’s easy to feel powerless when your child rejects the faith you’ve nurtured in them but remember, God is sovereign. He knows your child’s heart, and His plans are perfect, even when we don’t understand them. Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us to, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Your child’s journey is ultimately in God’s hands. Trust that He is working in ways you cannot see. Remember that God loves your child more than you do. Trust that He has a plan for your child’s life.
Biblical Example: Consider the story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32). The father in this parable represents God, who patiently waits for his lost son to return. Even when the son strayed far from his father’s teachings, the father’s love remained steadfast, trusting that his son would one day come back. This story is a powerful reminder that God’s love is unchanging, and His timing is perfect.
Take comfort in Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” If your child knew God before, His word states, “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: and I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.” (John 10:27-29).
2. Pray Without Ceasing
Prayer is your most powerful tool as a parent. Philippians 4:6-7 encourages us to “be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Prayer not only invites God to work in your child’s life but also brings peace to your own heart, allowing you to release your fears and trust in God’s plan.
Real-Life Example: Saint Monica, the mother of Saint Augustine, is a powerful example of a parent who prayed relentlessly for her wayward son. Augustine lived a life far from God, but Monica’s fervent prayers were eventually answered, and Augustine became one of the most influential theologians in Christian history.
3. Demonstrate Christ’s Love
Your child may reject your beliefs but cannot deny the love you show him or her. Maintain a strong connection with your child and continue to show Christ’s love and your love as a parent, through your actions, even though it is difficult because you disagree with their belief. Nevertheless, establish healthy boundaries to protect your own well-being. Romans 12:9-10 urges us to, “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” By showing unconditional love, patience, and kindness, you reflect the heart of Christ to your child, which can plant seeds of faith that may grow over time.
Biblical Example: Jesus demonstrated unconditional love, even to those who rejected Him. When Peter denied knowing Jesus three times, Christ responded with love and forgiveness, later restoring Peter and empowering him to be a leader in the early Church (John 21:15-19). This example teaches us that love can overcome even the deepest rejections. Since Jesus would not take offense and cut your child off, you shouldn’t either. Also, try to ensure that a strain does not develop in the relationship as that can cause your child to become estranged.
4. Seek Support and Community
You’re not alone in this journey. Many Christian parents face the same challenges and heartaches. Surround yourself with a supportive community that can uplift you in prayer, offer encouragement, and share stories of their experiences and faith. This could include other parents who understand what you’re going through, a trusted friend, or a counselor. Hebrews 10:24-25 reminds us, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
Real-Life Example: Joining a small group at your church or finding an online Christian parenting community can provide a safe space to express your feelings, ask for prayer, and receive godly counsel. Sharing your struggles and victories with others can help you find peace and reassurance.
The Story of My Friend’s Daughter, Sherry
My friend had end-stage kidney disease and her greatest wish was for her daughter, Sherry, to give her life to the Lord. Sherry had chosen a lifestyle that was very difficult for her Christian mother to accept. They had several arguments about it but they remained close. Sherry (not her real name) was the second of her four children and was the older girl. She was about 21 years old when her mother became ill. She was a dutiful daughter, doing all she could to make her mom comfortable and to ensure that she felt supported.
My friend would often tell me that she was at peace with her situation and was ready to go at any time. Her only worries were her two youngest children who were living with their father and stepmother in a foreign country and Sherry’s lifestyle. She worried that Sherry would never become a Christian. Unfortunately, Sherry’s mom passed while she was still living the lifestyle her mother was worried about.
About a year after her mom had passed, I received a phone call from Sherry saying that she had a dream about her mom the night before. She said her mom told her that she was fine but she was worried about her and was upset about how she was living. After speaking with her for a while, the Holy Spirit prompted me to ask her what she wanted to do with her life. She said she was ready to commit to the Lord so, I asked my husband who is a Bible teacher to speak with her. He explained salvation, baptism, and other aspects of the Christian life to her and she gave her life to the Lord Jesus. She wanted to be baptized right away and we support that kind of urgency so, we took her to a church where she was baptized in the name of Jesus.
Based on how extreme she had been I felt that Christian life would be a struggle for her. Boy was I wrong! Many persons, including me, could not believe her radical transformation. About a year and a half later we were having a discussion and I expressed to her how happy I was with her turnaround and how serious and consistent she was in serving God. Her words to me were, “Miss Marie (not my real name), when I was in the ‘world’ I was very bad. You know that. So, now that I am a Christian I am extreme in serving God!”
She has never looked back. Two years later she got married to someone from her church and they had a daughter about a year and a half later. They later had a son. and It has been 20 years since she got saved and they are all serving God and doing well as a family. Writing about it has brought tears of joy to my eyes again, to know that her mom’s wish was fulfilled. I hope a parent somewhere out there who is worried about their teenage or adult child’s faith will, in prayer, entrust them to the Lord and let the Holy Spirit work in His perfect timing. The second takeaway is that regardless of how you see a person, the Lord Jesus Christ is able, and his transforming power is REAL! All you have to do is to share the word when He tells you to. To God be the glory!
Conclusion: Cling to God’s Promises
In the midst of the storm, when your child rejects Christianity, hold fast to God’s promises. His word assures us that He is always with us, and He hears the prayers of the faithful. Continue to trust in Him, love your unbelieving child unconditionally, and pray without ceasing. Find peace in the storm of your child’s rejection and when you do please share with others who may be going through a similar situation. The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and mind as you navigate this challenging journey. Remember, your story – and your child’s – is still being written by the Author of all hope.